My Best Friend Lost 3 Pounds... Why do I Care More About Being Jealous Than Happy For Her.

Sitting at my desk today at work, I received a text from my closest friend that she had lost three pounds in the last month and was "psyched." She had not really been trying to lose weight, but she had, and according to her, everyone was noticing.

I was instantly annoyed.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my friend dearly. I support her through good decisions and bad, major life events, minor daily happenings, and everything else we care to talk about. We have built the kind of friendship where we can be honest with one another about our opinions, but also offer the sort of hands-off unconditional support we both have grown to need.

But for some reason, I did not want to be supportive. I did not want to offer congratulations or say "Awesome!!" like I ended up doing. Instead, all I felt was jealousy and an overwhelming feeling of disappointment in myself.

She had lost three pounds, and I had not. Her boyfriend was telling her she looked sexy, and my husband was not. She was feeling great about herself, and you guessed, I was not.

Now, I have self-confessed insecurities about my weight. I am short (5'2") and of average build. I am not fat, but I am not skinny. I am aware that I am attractive, yet I always try to lose a little weight and fix certain things about my appearance I decide need fixing.

Recently, I have been trying to lose weight for the two-week honeymoon I would spend in Europe with my husband. I have been successful in small part, but am nowhere near where I was thinking I would like to be for this trip.

Suddenly, this seemed to matter so much more as my friend was losing weight and looking better. I instantly compared my progress to hers, and she was winning the competition. A competition that was non existent and only in my mind. In this same conversation, my friend told me that she was getting two more jobs so she could have more spending money after paying her bills.

I was worried about 3 pounds for my all-inclusive paid cruise, while she was working three jobs. This realization made me feel even more like shit.

The text was about my best friend feeling good about herself and being proud of her accomplishments. This was her reaching out to tell me she was happy and taking care of herself. Instead of being happy and relieved she was well, I turned the text into a "woe is me" morning for myself.

It is all too often that we compare ourselves to those around us, in particular those closest to us. This little silent thread of competition exists between girlfriends. Don't believe me? Just look how close girlfriends compare the size of their engagement rings. It all matters, for no reason.

It seems silly that we are so quick to be there for our friends when something bad happens, but we hesitate to be there when something good happens.

I love my girlfriends, in particular my best friend. I would protect them from any perceived threat, and I would defend them to the death. I will always take their side. I will always be there to hold them, comfort them, and make them feel better. And, despite my own failings and vanity, I will always lift them up.

I am not perfect. I am vain and self-centered sometimes. I make things about me. My best friend loves me anyways.

In response to her text, I replied "Awesome!! Proud of you." Because she is my best friend, and I am proud.